I’m back from honeymoon! This is my first post as the newly wed Mrs Bennett-Davies. The last couple of weeks I have been on quite an emotional rollacoaster as was evident to all who saw me crying a lot of my wedding day. I have so many good things to write about and will definitely write about in due course- I am sure you are all interested in how the wedding went in particular.
What is dominating my mind at the moment though, is my nanny, who died the night before my wedding (14th September). Whether rightly or wrongly, I put this out of mind until the last couple of days, when I came out of my honeymoon bubble. I had a complex relationship with my nanny, which I wish could have been different, but that was the kind of lady she was. I don’t really know how or whether to grieve for her. I have only seen her a handful of times in the last ten or so years, and the last time I did see her we only exchanged hellos.
What I do regret is that I held her responsible for the way she treated my dad. At the time I saw it as loyalty to my dad. I never directly got involved in their relationship or even damaged our own relationship with her, but I know that in my heart I judged her. I don’t think I’ve ever said anything nice about her to Paul in the three and half years we have been together. But, when I thought about it she’s never done anything wrong to me that I can remember. I’m not saying that I agree with the way she treated my dad, but I know that it’s not my place to judge her.
So I’ll do all I can to get to her funeral on Wednesday to honour her position in my life. I wish that it wasn’t her death that brought me to this conclusion, and I hope this blog post will serve as a wake up call to any of you who need to do some forgiving.
Love Katie x