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Still smiling with a takeaway Costa & cuddles with Didi

“You’d be forgiven for thinking that I’d abandoned this blog, but you wouldn’t be right, very far from the truth in fact. Although I have been working a lot on Chronically Katie in my mind, very little of it has appeared on your monitor because I’ve been too unwell. For the last two months I have suffered from one illness after another, aside from my usual chronic illness of course.”

Unfortunately this is as much as Katie has been able to write over the last few weeks. As she says above, Katie has been extremely ill for the best part of two months now. There’s been a real battle going on behind the scenes here at Chronically Katie. She’s winning the fight, but as with any war, victory is hard fought and there are have been many injuries along the way.

Katie has asked me to step in and catch you up on what’s been going on. Quite a few technical changes are taking place at the moment. I’ve been working on moving the site to a self hosted platform and there are going to be changes in blog layout and design. This is all very exciting, however, it’s taking it’s time because I have no experience in all this. I’m teaching myself what to do as I do it. We’re asking that you bare with us while these renovations are taking place.

On a positive note, Katie is hoping to do a video blog sometime soon, so keep an eye out for that. To make sure that you don’t miss anything, you can subscribe to Katie’s You Tube channel.

My final update is that if you wish to send Katie anything in the mail, you can request her address by emailing chronicallykatieblog@gmail.com. You can send products for her to review, or something little to make her feel better when she’s so sick. She’s spending most days in bed so I know she’d love to hear from her readers. Feel free to send her anything from a postcard to a little gift. She loves receiving mail so it’s sure to bring a smile to her face.

Thanks for your patience,

Paul (Katie’s husband)

 


 November has very much been an emotional and physical rollacoaster. I feel very lucky to have a fantastic husband and some great friends who were willing to patiently ride it with me.

Regular readers will know that I participated in National Novel Writing Month last month, I am sure you will all be pleased to hear that I completed my novel! I am very proud of my accomplishment, it makes me realise how much I can achieve with my writing with the right amount of dedication. I am very thankful to my friends who sent me messages of encouragement and to my husband who put my laptop in front of me even when I resisted.

It was very difficult for me to write 50,000 words in such a short space of time. ..

This is as far as I have got in writing an update blog post. I am seriously struggling with motivation at the moment. My body is exhausted and every time I do something I have to stay in bed for days on end to recover. That doesn’t exactly inspire me to go places or work hard.

I have so much to be thankful for, the last two weeks in particular have been jam packed with treats, presents and wonderful events, and yet I do not want to get out of bed. I should be on top of the world right now. I don’t know completely whether it’s my body or my depression. I certainly struggle when I do get out of bed, not just struggled, I have to really fight to get up but I’m not doing anything while I’m in bed either. My pain levels are really bad and I’m not sleeping much, but I don’t feel like I want to look after myself at all, I would happily hide away from the world. Perhaps there isn’t one problem, it’s most likely to be a combination of both depression and sickness. Usually I would fight these kinds of emotions and thoughts by throwing myself into social events and university work, but my physical illness is holding me back. What is clear is that I need to push past my physical problems if I want to stay on track with my university course.

Even though I barely began my ‘catch up’ post I wanted to put it up to show you where I am right now. A bit lost and struggling to work on anything, least of all my university work, which I am desperately behind with. I will continue to attempt to force myself out of this though, I know that God is close, and will bring me through this deep valley.

Love Katie x

 


Day one in the Davies (or should that be NaNoWriMo) household, Katie is writing… That was supposed to be said in the Big Brother voice, or at least that’s how it sounded in my head.

My novel has got off to a good start so far. I have managed to bang out 3809 words today and it’s only 7:50pm. This is due largely to the fact that my health is very, very bad today. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, all shall be revealed.

Today is one of those days where I feel like I have lived a week in twelve hours. My health has been up and down all days, some of the time, like now, I feel ok, my legs are aching so I’m stuck in bed, but I am able to write, even though I cannot concentrate on reading or studying. At some points of the day however, I have been desperate to fall asleep because I just felt so sick. I don’t really know how to explain the extreme exhaustion, pain and sickness, except to say that if my mum were near, I would cry like a baby for her to come cuddle me when I feel like that.

I have been alone almost completely all day so to ward off any depression and negative thought cycles, I have just kept my novel on my mind. I haven’t been well enough to write all of the time, but I have been thinking of Ally all day long, meaning that when I can write, I have so much in my mind my fingers can’t type fast enough.

When I woke up this morning, I felt so far away from being able to focus on anything, let alone begin a novel, but I had prepared for this with two age-old writer’s tools:

Morning pages

I have heard many names for this, but essentially I just wrote about something other than what I was working on. Some writers, as I did, write journals to wake up their creative mind. It’s like sport, you can try just running, but you’re more likely to do a lot better if you stretch your muscles and focus your mind on the task ahead.The first thing you write at the beginning of the day is likely to be the worst thing you write that day so it’s a good idea to not put that in your novel.

Music

Background noise, providing it is not too loud can help a writer get into the scene or into their character’s head. I am writing about an angry, hurt, and rejected woman so I flicked through my iPod to find all the music I used to listen to as a teenager when I was feeling that way. This immediately puts me in the right place to think and feel the way Ally does. Certain songs remind us of certain feelings, it’s a good idea to harness this for my writing. On the other hand, if I listen to Ben Howard, I am going to feel calm and happy. I haven’t used it yet, but I also downloaded an the Ambiance app, which has a huge library of different sounds. I am planning to use these for certain scenes. So for example, if my character is taking a country walk, I can create a playlist of various wildlife sounds to help my mind picture what is happening.

 

One of the things I want to do this month is to use my intense novel writing to try out different writing techniques. Today I used journaling to warm up, perhaps I’ll stick with that for about a week before moving on to something different. I am doing the same with where I write. I was able to get out of the house to go to the library to write for an hour today, which was great because I have never tried writing there before. It went well, I was free from distractions and comfy on the new sofas. I’m not sure I’ll be able to get to the library every day for a week but I’ll try going there to write a few times, before moving on to a new venue. Obviously I tried writing in my bed too, but that doesn’t count as an experiment since I always write here (yup I’m there right now). By the end of this month I should have a good idea about my writing habits- where and how I work best.

Have you got any writing techniques or venues you use or have heard of that I could try out?

Love Katie x

P.s. My new blogging buddy Amelia is NaNoWriMo rebel because she is using this month to continue with her memoir about life with cerebral palsy.She is posting the whole thing on her blog day-by-day. I read the first installment today and felt positive I had to share it with you, it is a fantastic first draft. Check it out here.

You can find out more about my novel  and keep up to date with my progress on my NaNoWriMo page.


“Having a black dog in your life isn’t so much about feeling sad, down or blue, but feeling devoid of feeling all together.”

The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are poor in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)

So not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Love Katie x

With thanks to the friend who shared this with me.


Despite the couple of days where P started to feel better, he wasn’t able to go on his trip on Friday. The poor boy woke up on Friday morning feeling terrible, in fact I was more energetic than him. Luckily we had arranged for my mum to come and look after me while P was away so she still came to help us out.

After some breakfast and coffee, P was feeling a little better. I don’t know what it is about porridge, but I find it always makes me feel better in the mornings. I wanted to not to go to Ikea, but stay home with Paul but he insisted we go, because we both knew we needed to get storage boxes and other bits and bobs for moving. We’re moving in a week and we haven’t been able to do much packing because we need these things.

So, I started getting dressed and nearly fell over with shock when P said he wanted to come. It’s hard for me to explain how much Paul hates Ikea. He’d do anything not to come usually. The fact that he wanted to come told me his depression was bad, and that meant there was no way I was leaving him behind. He seemed a little better in Ikea, not drifting off into his mind too much, just a bit grumpy. Dare I say he may even have enjoyed parts, especially when we bumped into some old friends who work there.

I felt so bad for him because he wasn’t well enough to go away. He had been looking forward to it so much. He doesn’t get many, if any, opportunities to do stuff he’d really enjoy. It is so frustrating ad unfair that he’d miss this. It broke my heart when he said that he’d been waiting years to do something like this. My daddy tries to do guys things with him,  but they don’t manage to do anything often.

Knowing how rubbish he was feeling mentally, the last thing I wanted to do was leave him home alone for the evening with nothing to do but put Ikea boxes together. Mummy and I had plans to go to a girls swap shop night but I suggested we do something else instead with P. I really didn’t want to leave my boy but he said he’d be fine and I was just being overprotective. I feel terrible writing this now but I have to admit that mummy and I did go out, but only for just over an hour and a half, but still I felt him at home. As I suspected P’s boredom turned into a depressive state.

I know how Paul feels about me when he’s sick like this- so frustrated at my powerlessness to make him better. I don’t know whether it’s his depression affecting his physical state or he has a bug/virus which has weakened his body enough to bring on his depression, which is making his physical illness worse, which in turn triggers his depression.

I am so angry with the doctors/system because all they’ve done is increase his anti-depressants since he took an overdose. I cannot believe his name still hasn’t reached the top of the counseling list.

I can’t decide whether us moving is bad or good timing. Bad in the sense of his physical illness, because of the exhausting tasks that lay ahead this week. Good in the sense that it gives him plenty to do, the worst things for depression is being left alone with your thoughts. From experience, I’ve realised that making P do nothing when his depression is bad is the worst thing I could do for him. The best thing I can do is let him do what he wants when he wants.

The challenge this week then is to let P do the packing, cleaning, etc but not so much that his physical state deteriorates. I’m praying that his mind will let him have a good night’s sleep. It’s going to be a week of balancing acts…

Love Katie x

 

 



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