May 28, 2012
I wanted to start this post by saying a quick thank you to all of you who have shared links to my blog across the internet. the viewings particularly increased in response to Paul’s blog post on Saturday night. it means so much to me to know that this blog is helping to increase awareness about life with a chronic illness, it may be cheeky to ask, but i am cheeky enough to, please continue to share links to my blog posts, even if you already have, and encourage your friends to so the same.
Me and my Mummy Bear
On to business. So, I have not been writing posts for the last few days because I am wiped out by a visit from my mummy. As usual, whenever someone comes to visit (especially my mummy) I can’t seem to stop talking or showing them things. I am like an excited child showing off their Christmas presents. I always end up way overdoing it and needing days of recovery. I am surprised my family even believe I’m sick because I am always so excited and energetic around them. Remember that placebo effect I talked about before? Well it seems to work for a whole day around my mummy.
Usually I’m very tired after a visit but the pain has been extraordinary this time. I made it to church this evening but my legs were hurting so much I had to lie on the floor during the preach, which Paul found hilarious.
It frustrates me greatly that I can’t worship God properly. The church I go to has worship relevant to our time, my mum would say it’s like a rock concert. I want to be jumping up and down, wave my arms in the air, dance and generally get sweaty and out of breath, exactly like I would at a gig, but I’m lucky if I can stand up for one song.
I’m also not able to volunteers on a Sunday at the moment. What I’m most upset about though is Paul and I not becoming leaders. We were apprenticing two leaders in our church to lead a smaller group on Tuesday evenings but because of my health that’s slowed right down, which makes me want to scream. I know that we’re made to lead groups like that, we can feel it in our bones. I’m impatient to start now and my illness getting in the way of that makes me want to scream.
‘Chazown’ is a book about finding God’s vision for your life, there is also a free online course
Source: Google Images
A book I’m reading at the moment really helped me to deal with this. The book is called Chazown, which means ‘vision’ in Hebrew. The author, Craig Groeschel, says that God does two things when we get his vision for our life – (1) work in us; (2) work through us to fulfill that vision. I may be impatient to lead on Tuesday nights but there’s some things I need to get in order to be a good leader. God will use this period of illness to teach me lessons.
And, the second thing that has spoken to me, is that although God didn’t cause me to get ill, He wasn’t taken off guard by this very bad patch. God knows everything so His vision for Paul and I hasn’t been ruined, He would have planned for this couple of months. Groeshel writes that what we may see as set backs, God sees as set ups. Look at Joseph in the Bible. He must have seen being sent to prison for a crime he didn’t commit as a major set back – who wouldn’t? It couldn’t have seemed further from the vision of leadership God had for him, but while in prison he continued to use the gift of interpreting dreams God had given him, instead of wallowing in self pity. The man who was in the cell next to him ended up being a servant to the Pharaoh, who he told about Joseph’s gift. Joseph interpreted Pharaoh’s dream and saved thousands of lives. Had Joseph never been in that cell . . .
Seeing this period of illness through this new perspective, I’m going to take up some advice Paul gave me and make sure I’m the best leader in my church by the time I’m better. I don’t mean to sound all-happy-go-lucky, there is a time for some good old-fashioned sorrow and crying about my situation. Although I have a new perspective, I’m still not exactly pleased about all the pain I’m in and the strain it’s putting on Paul. But, I can either spend the whole time wallowing or get on with the task at hand. I wouldn’t be writing this blog if I’d gone with option number one . . .
Love Katie x
P.s. If you wanted to find out more about Chazown or do the free online course, you can find the website here.