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Day one in the Davies (or should that be NaNoWriMo) household, Katie is writing… That was supposed to be said in the Big Brother voice, or at least that’s how it sounded in my head.

My novel has got off to a good start so far. I have managed to bang out 3809 words today and it’s only 7:50pm. This is due largely to the fact that my health is very, very bad today. I know that sounds like an oxymoron, all shall be revealed.

Today is one of those days where I feel like I have lived a week in twelve hours. My health has been up and down all days, some of the time, like now, I feel ok, my legs are aching so I’m stuck in bed, but I am able to write, even though I cannot concentrate on reading or studying. At some points of the day however, I have been desperate to fall asleep because I just felt so sick. I don’t really know how to explain the extreme exhaustion, pain and sickness, except to say that if my mum were near, I would cry like a baby for her to come cuddle me when I feel like that.

I have been alone almost completely all day so to ward off any depression and negative thought cycles, I have just kept my novel on my mind. I haven’t been well enough to write all of the time, but I have been thinking of Ally all day long, meaning that when I can write, I have so much in my mind my fingers can’t type fast enough.

When I woke up this morning, I felt so far away from being able to focus on anything, let alone begin a novel, but I had prepared for this with two age-old writer’s tools:

Morning pages

I have heard many names for this, but essentially I just wrote about something other than what I was working on. Some writers, as I did, write journals to wake up their creative mind. It’s like sport, you can try just running, but you’re more likely to do a lot better if you stretch your muscles and focus your mind on the task ahead.The first thing you write at the beginning of the day is likely to be the worst thing you write that day so it’s a good idea to not put that in your novel.

Music

Background noise, providing it is not too loud can help a writer get into the scene or into their character’s head. I am writing about an angry, hurt, and rejected woman so I flicked through my iPod to find all the music I used to listen to as a teenager when I was feeling that way. This immediately puts me in the right place to think and feel the way Ally does. Certain songs remind us of certain feelings, it’s a good idea to harness this for my writing. On the other hand, if I listen to Ben Howard, I am going to feel calm and happy. I haven’t used it yet, but I also downloaded an the Ambiance app, which has a huge library of different sounds. I am planning to use these for certain scenes. So for example, if my character is taking a country walk, I can create a playlist of various wildlife sounds to help my mind picture what is happening.

 

One of the things I want to do this month is to use my intense novel writing to try out different writing techniques. Today I used journaling to warm up, perhaps I’ll stick with that for about a week before moving on to something different. I am doing the same with where I write. I was able to get out of the house to go to the library to write for an hour today, which was great because I have never tried writing there before. It went well, I was free from distractions and comfy on the new sofas. I’m not sure I’ll be able to get to the library every day for a week but I’ll try going there to write a few times, before moving on to a new venue. Obviously I tried writing in my bed too, but that doesn’t count as an experiment since I always write here (yup I’m there right now). By the end of this month I should have a good idea about my writing habits- where and how I work best.

Have you got any writing techniques or venues you use or have heard of that I could try out?

Love Katie x

P.s. My new blogging buddy Amelia is NaNoWriMo rebel because she is using this month to continue with her memoir about life with cerebral palsy.She is posting the whole thing on her blog day-by-day. I read the first installment today and felt positive I had to share it with you, it is a fantastic first draft. Check it out here.

You can find out more about my novel  and keep up to date with my progress on my NaNoWriMo page.


Image source: whatsfab.ca

Today has been a much better day. For one thing I’ve managed to not only get out of bed but also get dressed. P needed to go to the train station today so mum and I thought we’d use the opportunity of being in town to get some supplies for crafts which need to be done for the wedding, and also to get me a new outfit for my hen party.

 After much deliberation about whether precious saving funds should be used to buy a new dress, we (me and P) decided that since I would only get one hen party (despite what the statistics might say), that I should feel really special. And, as mum pointed out, it can be a hen party/honeymoon outfit so that made me feel like I was a little more justified in buying something. I didn’t go crazy though, mummy took me to the fashionable boutique of Tesco and I spent a whole £7 on a new dress. I did splash out on a new jacket too which boosted the total cost up to almost £30.

 Going shopping for my hen party/honeymoon outfit has made me even more excited about this weekend. I just hope that going out for a couple of hours today won’t result in being too tired to enjoy the weekend. No, you haven’t lost a couple of days, you are correct in thinking that I begin conserving energy for a big weekend three days before the event. I did so before the family wedding on the weekend too, and it still took me four days to recover.

 I really just felt so horrendous yesterday. The pain and exhaustion made me just want to sleep away the whole day. The problem was the pain was just strong enough (even with painkillers) to keep me from sleeping most of the time. I can’t articulate how much I don’t want to be that sick after my hen weekend. I feel terrible writing these things because I know there are so many spoonies out there who would love to be in my position. It sounds ungrateful to be saying these things, it’s hardly terrible that I’m going to Bath for Saturday/Sunday. Even more so, I know I am incredibly lucky to have a mum and sister who took the time to learn how to look after me so that I could go places without Paul, and even that I can get out of my house to go anywhere, let alone on a mini-holiday.

 I don’t count these blessings lightly, I am grateful for them. When I am confronted by the painful accusations and remarks of unbelievers and have days as bad as yesterday, I become even more acutely aware of just how much worse life could be. I think my mummy is so wonderful for patiently taking me shopping today. It’s no easy feat, it means giving me so much attention, and not much time to shop for yourself. I am so privileged.

 What are you thankful for today?

Love Katie x


P has gone to Cardiff for a couple of days to sort some things out (pay rent, etc) and take the opportunity of having no distractions there to revise for his remaining exam. While he’s been away my mummy has been doing a great job of looking after me. I hate putting so much extra work on her, but I’m very glad to give P a couple of days of complete rest.

Having my parents become my sole carers (they’ve been jointly caring for me with P while we’ve been home) makes me more aware of how being sick has made me very childlike again in terms of my dependency. I am doing a little better since I began this blog, but there is still so much I can’t do. It frustrates me to have to ask my mum to help me get dressed and not even be able to make a cup of coffee for myself.

Love Katie x

Have you enjoyed reading this blog post? Please consider voting for ‘Chronic Katie’ in the Cosmo Lifestyle Blog Awards 2012. For more info click here.


I’ve been struggling for what to write today. I’m so run down that I spent nearly all day in bed yesterday, resting and sleeping. Even when I was awake I was completely out of it. Sometimes I just lose whole days like that. I’m doing marginally better today. I’ve managed to get to see the doctor today about my skin so hopefully it will begin to improve in the next few days. My mum always says she knows when I’m run down because my skin gets really bad. I’m hoping a slow couple of days will help. Well, mainly slow…

I am also very excited and hoping I feel energetic enough for my first hen party with school friends tomorrow night. I feel like a teenager having a sleepover again, my mummy has bought pizzas and sweets for me, and we’re clearing up the house ready for the girls to arrive. And, on Friday, P and I are going to get our marriage licence. I wanted to have a nice picture of that morning, even though I imagine it will simply be Paul signing a piece of paper and us handing over a lot of money for it. I wanted to have pictures of every part of the wedding, but it’s been ruined somewhat by my horrid red, itchy face.

 

Oh well, I have long given up caring how I look in photos, it’s been a while since I recognised myself. You just have to not let it get to you, remember the good time the photo represents, and forget the vanity of your appearance.

 

Love Katie x


As my regular readers know, I’ve moved home to my parents’ house for the summer to save money, get some rest, and give Paul some help with caring for me, while I’m needing so much care. Well, so far only one of those aims is being achieved, my mummy, bless her, has been running around after me all day, especially since my bedroom is upstairs and I’m really struggling with the stairs.

 

My school friends are home, and since I never usually manage to see them, I’m trying to catch them all before they return to the various parts of the country, and so my diary cannot fit everything in. I’ve already run myself raged, and in doing so, P and I, while having a great time, have spent the same, if not more, than we usually would living in Cardiff.

 

That’s part of the reason this post is coming so late in the day. When I got home from the cinema last night, I got into pelvic pain and had to go to bed. It was a bit embarrassing because the friend I went with had a guest, but I just have to get past that. I started reading to take my mind off the pain and was asleep within a couple of minutes. I slept straight through until 11pmish when I woke up in terrible pain. Despite taking painkillers and rubbing a lot of Tiger Balm on my legs, my muscles were hurting so bad I wanted to scream. A long story short, I was awake until past 4am. I still feel rough this today but I needed to get a lot done so I had to get straight out of bed.

 

One of the main problems for me at the moment is that my parents don’t have wi-fi. While, clearly, wi-fi is a luxury, it’s causing me problems in keeping up with wedding plans and this blog in particular. Getting downstairs is painful, getting upstairs feels impossible. I do manage to do it, most of the time, with a walking stick, but it takes so long and is very painful. That means that I can’t get online until I’m well enough to get out of bed and my legs are good enough to bend to sit in a chair. I’m trying to work out a routine but because P and I have planned so many things, it’s proved very difficult.

 

My resolution then, is that after this weekend, I will start cancelling more activities (especially if they cost a lot of money), begin a to-do list to get through and get myself into a routine.

 

Wish me luck, I’m off to update the wedding website!

 

Love Katie x

P.s. I shall be eternally grateful to anyone who votes for me in the Cosmo blog awards, and send kisses to those who ask their friends to do the same.

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After all the excitement of the last few days, where I’ve had so much good news,  a very bad thing happened. My goldfish, Amelie, died. I realise that you probably laughed at that last sentence or at the least the thought crossed your mind that this may be a comical post, but I hearby solemnly swear that I write completely in earnest about my little friend in orange.

I know you may think it’s a little (or very) pathetic to get upset about a goldfish, but as my closest friends know, I really fricking loved that goldfish. My mum even tried to hide her laughter when I was explaining how she died. Full of guilt, she fetched a box for me to act as a coffin, not the finest of coffins (an empty Tramadol box), but it will do for her humble burial later today.

I guess to understand the reason why I would be so upset about a goldfish, you must first realise that I love having pets, and Amelie has been mine and P’s only pet in Cardiff. Then, you need to know that we got Amelie around the same time that my M.E. (or C.F.S.) came back with a vengeance and I developed Fibromyalgia. I loved watching her swim around so much that we put her bowl on the table next to our bed. P was working long shifts at Lidl at the time, and as someone to often dances along that fine line between quirky and mentally ill, I struck up a lot of conversations with Amelie. The time when I feel most afraid is when I’m in a lot of pain and I’m alone. I need someone or something to talk to.

Fast forward two years and I think most people would agree that both Paul and I have developed an unhealthy relationship with the fish. We always said ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ to her, and talked to her about everything, not just when I was lonely or in pain. I already miss her.

I know I will get over losing her at some point, but right now, it feels like there’s a little something  is missing. 

Anyone else feel particularly sad about losing a fish?

Love Katie x

p.s. I do have a picture of her, but not on this computer, I’ll post it tomorrow.


You must have begun to think I’d given up on this blog. Fear not, I am still alive and writing blogs, but only at night in my mind when I can’t sleep. So much has passed since I last took out a notebook and pen to write, I think that is probably part of the reason why you have seen new posts.

P and I did successfully manage to move, and it was even worse than we had anticipated. Mainly because the sheer amount of things we have managed to accumulate is incredible. I tried to be as ruthless as possible with getting rid of un-neeeded things, but still we had so much stuff to move that it took 5 trips in my dad’s 4by4. I have since spent a lot of my bedbound mornings running a monologue debating the reasons why we have such a lot of things. I’ll spare you the whole speech, and just drill down to the foundation the reason we have so much stuff is that we spend so much time at home.

Most students keep some of their things at their term-time address, and the rest in their bedrooms at their parents house, but because we usually live in Cardiff all year round, we moved basically everything we own to our new address. Secondly, and this is probably the more accurate reason, when you have periods of time where you’re stuck indoors for days on end, you need a lot of entertainment. For example, it can be awkward for P to find time to go to the gym so he has weights and an exercise bike in the house so he can workout whenever he wants, even if I’m really sick. We don’t have an more than a normal amount of clothes, shoes, or handbags (that’s me, not Paul), but my goodness do we have a lot of books. As the kind of people who want to know everything about everything (nothing is boring to me), we have a lot of reference books (including an encyclopedia published the year of my birth), academic books for university, and classic novels (my favourite) so not the kind of books you get rid of- they’re keepers. To add to this, we have two stackers full of DVDs and more, even though we had a clear out of the DVDs we never watch! We love films, and watch at least one everyday, I’m “watching” one right now (multi-tasker), especially on my bedbound days.

What takes up most of the room though are my craft things. I am terrible at starting lots of new projects, and not finishing them. Since I forgot to bring any craft projects home with me, I begun even more new ones since I arrived back here. My mummy is really into crafting too, so she’s been throwing an abundance of new ideas at me with her collection of books and ideas diary. She’s given me free reign of her extensive resources too!

In case you haven’t caught on already, Paul and I did decide to move home for the summer to save money. One of the things I like best about being at home is going to patchwork group with my mummy and nana. I love patchwork blankets, cushions, bags, etc, and have always wanted to be able to do it. I am hoping that this will be the summer that I finally get to grips with my sewing machine and make some patchwork projects, especially while I have been allowed unlimited access to the massive stock of material my mummy and nana have.

Anyway, this post has become a garble of ramblings. Fingers crossed, I shall manage to get to my parents’ computer more often from now on. I thought that coming home would mean oodles of free time but so far I’m struggling to fit everything into my diary, not completely convinced we will save any money or I’ll get any rest if we don’t start restricting ourselves!

Love Katie x


I’m writing this blog post in a very sleepy state. The packing and painting has commenced and as anticipated it is proving to be an insurmountable task. I know we should be pacing ourselves, but it is pretty difficult to do that when we have such a huge task to complete in a fairly short space of time. My lovely mummy has offered to come help us pack this week, but to be honest we couldn’t fit another person into the chaos at the moment. Thankfully, P’s lovely mummy is coming on Saturday to help with the last big push, all the cleaning and horrid jobs. Hopefully by then we’ll have a bit more order to the mess and we’ll be able to fit her in.

P’s depression is actually responding quite well to having all this work to do. He’s relishing actually having to do something and enjoying watching Wimbledon while working. There’s something strangely satisfying about seeing a wall you’ve freshly painted look so clean and perfect. Unfortunately, he’s can’t sleep much at night, and therefore, his body still isn’t back to full strength.

I am being some help, despite P’s repeated pleas for me not to do anything. The thing is that I actually enjoy doing stuff like this. For example, I have now learnt the best way to remove mirror tiles without cracking them, but I only removed one out of the floor that needed to be done. Probably the best way we work together is painting. P uses the roller to do most of the wall, because it would hurt a lot to reach my arm that high once, let alone keep it up there and move a roller. I can, however, sit on the floor and use my artists hand to neatly paint the border between the wall and the skirting board. I can also do the pre-painting of quick bits of stains on the walls. The most painful and tiring part of packing for me is actually moving around the boxes, so P has concentrated on packing heavy stuff like books and I’ve packed fragile stuff and wrapped them in bubble wrap.

We’ve been trying to take regular breaks and not work for too long, in an attempt to learn lessons from the last time we moved. When we moved to our current flat, I woke up the next morning unable to sit up because my arms wouldn’t work. That was the first time I experienced fibromyalgia symptoms. Whenever I remind myself of that, I decide that it’s not worth pushing myself too hard. Today I’m going for the easy task of de-frosting the freezer and marking the boxes we’ve packed to make it easier the other end.

Love Katie x

P.s. Posts may be a bit sparse this week because of the busyness of moving.


One of the things I did this weekend with my mummy was to go to the Roath Craft Fayre. I’ve been meaning to go for ages but have either been too busy or ill. The stalls there were fantastic. I wanted to take pictures to put on here but I was afraid the crafters would think I was stealing their ideas.

Paul and I think it would be a good place for me to sell some of the things I make. Most of you probably don’t know that I have a small creative business on the side called Pandora’s Box. It’s not a big earner but it’s nice to have a little bit of money on the side and have something to do with all the things I make.

Since I’ve been going through this bad patch with my illness I haven’t made much, my arms have been hurting too much. I’ve got some stuff already made though, and hopefully having a stall to work towards will give my body some impetus. Getting to the craft fayre and manning a stall is going to be a struggle in my current condition, but I’m going to try and manage it once a month over the summer.

I love the feeling of knowing I’ve earnt some money and can pay for something, even if it is only once in a while.

Wish me luck.

Love Katie x

P.s. If you want to find out more about Pandora’s Box, you can read the story here and the Etsy shop here.

 

 

 



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